Taper Time

I'm in this completely awesome (not awesome) space that the athletic world, and particularly the running world, refers to as the taper.  I've written about the taper before- the two weeks before go time race time where the running stops and rest allows your body to heal from the punishment of miles and miles and miles of training.  Its the best (and worst) time in marathon training.  Note that I am trying to stay very, very positive about the taper.  If you'd like a peek inside my brain (enter at your own risk), the running transcript inside my head looks a little something like this...

"WHAT?  My knee hurts.  I'm injured.  FML I'm injured.  Oh shit, it's not my knee.  Its my calf.  SHIT.  It feels tight and weird.  Oh no.  And now my throat hurts.  I'm getting sick.  How is this possible that I'm getting sick now, of all times.  Shit.  Hydration, I need to hydrate.  I'm dehydrated.  I need to drink way more, WAY MORE water.  And less beer.  Oh no.  Too much beer.  Probably 5 lbs worth in the last week.  This is not going to feel awesome on the course on race day.  Did I taper too soon, did I taper too late?  Should I have ran 40 in my last long run or just 38?  I'm not recovering.  What if it's hot on race day?  What if its cold?  What if aliens descend upon the marathon course right in the middle of the race when I'm on track for a PB?"

Would have.  Should have.  Could have.  Living in the past.  This does not serve me.

What if, what if, what if.  Living in the future.  This does not serve me.

Trusting that my training was what it was...not perfect, but it never will be...and it is ENOUGH.  Shutting the brain down and just BEING.  Being present in the moment.  This will serve me.  No action.  Just BE, as my beautiful friend, yoga teacher and life coach Tina Hnatiuk of Anala Yoga says.

The challenge for me in this taper (and every taper for that matter) is to stay right here, in the now.  To be present to how my body feels, but not attach to it.  To be kind to myself every single moment of every single hour of every single day and remember that I train hard and do all I can to be ready.  And to remember the reasons why I find myself running my 11th marathon, which are often lost as the mind takes over.

I'm in it for the 11th time because I love running.  Simple.  I love the mental challenge of getting through a hard mile and knowing that I did it.

Most of all, though,  I want every single person in the world to know, that if I can do this, you can do this.  It is a choice I make every single day- to get my feet into shoes and my shoes onto pavement and go running.  It doesn't have to be running, but it has to be something, the thing you find that allows you to get out of your head and into your heart.  That thing that supports you in letting go of doubt, fear and worry.  Everyone, EVERY SINGLE ONE deserves to feel this free.

And so, in T-8 days, I will be in one of the spaces I cherish the most.  On the marathon course.  Peace in my mind, happiness in my heart.  Running.  With thousands of others who have made the commitment to themselves.  Just so amazing.

And until then, I'm going to own this taper like a boss.  I'm going to sleep.  I going to yoga- and lots of it.  I'm going to spend time with so many people that I'd love to see more often that I sometimes don't because I'm running. 

Queen City Marathon.  I'm ready.

I Love a...

RAINY NIGHT!

Love this song.  Love the rain.  Love to run in the rain. 

Love.  Love, love, love.

Sometimes when it rains, it pours- sorry, my #yyc peeps- you're in tough, I know. 

Running in the rain is very freeing.  I would call it cathartic, even.  One muddy step after another through the puddles, and yes, your feet and shoes get wet, and you get dirt on your legs...

But your soul gets clean.  It gets free.  It might be a wee bit damp, but it sure does get energized.

So I dare you.  Get your feet into shoes, your shoes into puddles and go for a splash.  Go until your socks are wet and your shoes squish with each step and the water streams off your face.

You won't even notice- trust me.  You'll be smiling the whole way.

Strong.

I know that many of you have been waiting, waiting, waiting almost 3 weeks for my Saskatchewan marathon report, a race I race at the end of May.  Truthfully, I have found this race in particular tough to put into words.  I finished this race in 3:17, well off my personal best.  However, the race was a victory for me on so many different levels that I consider this one of the best races I have ever completed.  My tenth marathon.  One for the record books!

I learned a lot about the art of letting go of outcome and truly being in the moment over the course of this 26.2.  Endurance athletes, and particularly those of us that compete in races over and over again in an attempt to outrun the clock tend to be goal oriented, and often the goal is quite simply what the clock might read at the end of the race.  Going into Saskatoon, I knew that this race served as something so much more important for me.  I needed to prove to myself that I could stick to a race plan, no matter how I was feeling.  I needed to prove to myself that it really, really, really wasn't just about the result, but about the journey- and all the steps I have taken to get there, on so many different levels. 

But most of all I needed to do this to prove to myself that I was strong.  Not strong in the physical sense, but strong in the mental and emotional sense.  Marathons are tough endeavours.  Running for three hours is physically difficult, make no mistake, but it is the mental toughness that will get you through those hard miles.  And I have doubted mine.

2 weeks before this race, I lost someone very special to me.  Her name was Jo.  She had a massive aortic dissection on the 12th of May.  She survived long enough for her family to gather around her.  And then she passed away surrounded but those that she loved best- her sisters, nieces, nephews and family.  Jo had a profound and important impact on my life.  Most of what I knew about being a teacher I learned from Jo; and a lot of what I knew about being a human.  She was a constant in my life through very hard times and in the most amazing times.  I am thankful for the time we had together every day.  I already miss the matter of fact and blunt way that she offered the best advice, her laughter that could be heard down the halls like music and the way that she devoted herself to her family and her community.  But mostly I just miss the way that she cared about those important to her so lovingly and deeply.  The example she set in this regard is one that I will aim for every single day. 

Jo was one of the first people to ever tell me that I was strong.  I heard her voice in my head during the Saskatoon marathon almost constantly.  Running has always provided me with a platform to feel, if that even makes sense, in one way or another.  During this 26.2 in Saskatoon, I let myself feel whatever I was feeling.  Sometimes I laughed.  At times a cried.  Most of the time I smiled and thought about how lucky I was to have someone like Jo believe in me.  When the miles got hard and my body started to hurt, I would ask Jo if she was with me.  And in my head I would hear her say, "Andrea, of course I'm not with you- I effing DESPISE moving my body".  And my step got lighter, and I felt a little more free.  Just so Jo.

And in the end, I realized that maybe, just maybe, Jo was right, on some level, and that my tears weren't weakness or that fact that my body had to slow down was not failure.  It was just a part of the process.  And now I know that I can indeed get through it all.  That the challenges I have faced and over come in the last little while in life and in training certainly do require a certain amount of strength that no amount of pushups, squats, or miles can ever bring me.  

Thank you Jo for being in my life, for being the mirror I needed and for teaching me the most valuable of lessons.  I am grateful to have had you in my life.

Ready (OR NOT)...

Saskatoon.  I'm coming!

Full marathon in Saskatoon: T-11days.

Never before have I been less physically prepared for a marathon.

Never before have I been mentally so ready for a marathon.

I need to race.  I want to race.  I'm craving a race.  Totally, inexplicably and completely jonesin' for one, in fact.  To feel so mentally prepared but maybe not so physically prepared is new and uncharted territory for me.  The usual state of being for me is that my fitness is something I simply do not doubt.  I work my ass off (sometimes literally- that's for you my gypsy friend ;) to keep myself at a level of fitness and marathon readiness at all times and is something I remain seriously dedicated to.  Mentally, in the past, I have struggled with doubt and fear that I may not be as ready as I need to be.  The closer to the race, the more these feelings escalate.  Not a super awesome place to be, as you can imagine, when you're about to slip feet into shoes to pound out a 26.2.

And then this winter happened.  And I have questioned so many things about what I know, who I am, what I'm doing it all for and more...in running and in life.

I wish I could say that I've figured it all out and that I have some reason to believe that my training will speak for itself in Saskatoon.  The truth?  I don't know.  The truth about not knowing?  Sometimes I'm OK with it.  And sometimes I'm terrified.  I've never been a runner that does things by the numbers, just like I've never been a person that does things by the numbers.  I go by heart and by feel.  By passion and by love.  By what feels good and feels right.  And the times I stray from my truth, my realness in life and in running, the more I am reminded that I am who I am, and I do what I do and there is not any one reason to make it any different.  Some of my friends, and my running ones in particular, think that this is simply crazy talk.  To not have a solid number in total mileage or an idea of heart rate training zone or pace or any sort of idea of where I'm running based on track intervals would lead them to think that I've likely lost my marbles.  But for me, right here and right now, its just not about that.  It is about heart.  It is about passion.  And it is about being in and contributing to the tangible vibration and energy in the air that will surely be present on the day of the race.  While I may not know much else, I certainly do know that.  And so, on Sunday in just 11 short days, I won't be toeing the line for any kind of a time or expectation of a finish.  I'll just be there because I love to be there and I can't imagine being anywhere else at that moment in time. 

Let's get running.  Its time.

I Heart Boston.

I feel compelled to write about the horrific events at the finish of yesterday’s Boston marathon.  It’s been a while since I laced up the old joggers and pounded out the 26.2 from Hopkinton to Boston proper…5 years a while to be exact.  However, as most runners and marathoners will tell, there is something so sacred and so honourable about the Boston marathon.  That city, that race, the amazing runners, volunteers and spectators (a million strong J), they do hold a special place in my heart.  And my heart is broken for them after the senseless violence at the finish line yesterday.

In the wake of the horrific tragedy that ended the Boston marathon 2013, my heart is heavy.  I am so sorry for the families who lost loved ones.   My heart aches for those who are injured, for runners who lost limbs and for parents who lost children in this senseless act of violence.  I am so sad for the runners, many of whom have had their Boston moment (which many have trained their entire lives to earn the privilege to have) end in tragedy rather than in celebration.  To cross the finish line in Boston, amongst the supporters, families and volunteers in a marathon so steeped in tradition is a feeling of elation that is not easily put into words.  For me, it was life changing.  It was in those moments where I simply could not imagine doing anything differently or being anywhere else.  It was the truest and most simple form of being in and appreciating the moment.  I remember clearly running up Boylston Street in the last kilometer and hearing my parents and sister cheering for me before I saw them.  I witnessed tears of joy, cries of victory and strangers hugging as runners from all over the world accomplished something that was once a seemingly impossible goal; to run in and cross the finish line in the Boston marathon.  A simple, beautiful vision and goal made  real in those 26.2 miles from Hopkinton to Boston. 

Today, I did what most other runners also did today…I went running.  But today, more than any other day,  I was so filled with gratitude that I am fortunate enough to be a part of the running community that my run simply took on a whole other meaning.  It wasn’t for training and it wasn’t for race preparation and it wasn’t for exercise.  It was because I could.  It was to stand in community with other runners and to do what runners always do when it’s hard and when it hurts and when there is nothing else to do- we get our feet into shoes and our shoes onto pavement.  One foot in front of the other.  We run.  And we just keep running.

WANTED

WANTED: SEXY, SINGLE, MALE RUNNER

With really great stamina.  Since I need you to keep up...on the path that is.

Couch potatoes need not apply.  Unless you give a mean foot and leg massage.  And then maybe we can talk.

Gym rats?  Maybe.  But only if it compliments your run training.  Or Ironman training.  Or other endurance sport training.  If you wear Ed Hardy clothing of any kind or a toque in the gym, we can definitely be friends, but I like to eat bread far too much to date you, especially since you're likely to give me a dirty look and offer me a protein supplement every time I eat some peanut butter toast.  Sometimes with butter under the peanut butter.  Butter...my favourite food group.  Right after bread, of course.

Do you wear Vibram 5 fingers shoes?  This is a definite problem.  Those will have to go.  Unless you've read Born to Run and have tested every other kind of minimalist shoe determining that you cannot live without the 5 fingers.  If you going to run with those, you should likely go au naturale and kick it barefoot for reals.  Just saying.

If you get your downward dog on and are at least a semi-regular yogi, you probably understand just how amazingly a regular yoga practice compliments your fitness pursuits.  This makes you quite possibly the dreamiest of the dreamy.  Imagine if we could hit up a hot class after miles and miles and miles of running.  Nothing says recovery like pigeon pose in the hot room, yes?  With little clothing and a lot of sweat.  Sigh.   A gal can dream...

Are you a marathoner?  Ultra-marathoner?  Triathlete?  I hope so.  I'm super attracted to you if you commit to a goal and get after it.  Which is exactly what you need to do if you're going to train for an endurance event of any kind.  This usually means that you are goal oriented, determined and dedicated.  Qualities I love and admire.  And although ideally you love to get out there in a long race or two, its equally awesome if you just run for the sake of running.  This is something I understand completely. 

Not a runner?  This may be OK.  But I need to know:
1. Do you accept that I get out of bed before the sun on Sunday for Sunday RundayLongrunday Funday? 
2. Can you cook a mean zucchini, basil, tomato omelette that will be waiting for me post long run?
3. Can you deal with my toenails turning black and falling off (gross, yes, but honest nonetheless)?
4. Are you willing to massage my legs, glutes and low back on a regular basis?
5. Are you game to book holidays in places where some of the best marathons in the world are run so I can run them?
6. If we're going to have little runners, are you willing to purchase me the most amazing treadmill so I can get a few miles in here and there?

If the answer was yes to all of the above, let's chat.  Over coffee or tea, I suppose, since you don't run...and we can't chat while running...

And just so you know a little about me:
I love running, in case that hasn't been made quite clear.  It brings clarity, peace and stillness to my mind.  It allows me to feel a level of freedom that I don't quite experience doing any other activity.  Pure happiness, pure joy, pure energy when my feet are in shoes and my shoes are on the pavement!  It is an important part of my life.  It is moving meditation.  Simple, yes? 

So hopefully, Mr. Right, you're out there and you're reading this.  Likely after you've just finished a quick Thursday morning 10k.  Next time you run by me on the path, do us both a favour, turn around and at least TRY and catch me. 

Who knows.  Lightning may strike!

#runnersunite

So many things.  SO MANY!  Where to start?

Its been a busy, busy month.  Starting a new career adventure brings about highs and lows, laughter and (a few) tears, but most of all, a ton of learning and a whole new lesson in time management! 

True fact.  Very true.  There is ALWAYS time.  You make it because you just do.  Because you have to, want to, need to.  You just do, and it's worth it every time!

This morning, I did a long run on the track.  Second long run second week in a row that I had to make the choice: -33 plus windchill OR around and around on the track.  And since I'm learning to love winter, I chose to go around and around on the track.  Winter may be beautiful, but its damn cold here in the city that rhymes with fun!

Beautiful.  Sunny.  Damn cold!

On that note, I should add that my run on the track today, it was fabulous.  Yep, it sure was.  Why?  I had a buddy!  My first Regina running buddy!  Running is awesome on so many levels in its own right, but add in a new friend with great conversation, and suddenly going around and around on the track for an hour and forty minutes passes in the blink of an eye.  I should also mention that my Regina running buddy is an inspirational rockstar.  Seriously.  This woman is up to some pretty amazing things.  In a nutshell: full time mother (wee CS is just over a year), full time lawyer, full time wife (which is really like having 2 kids or so I'm told by my married friends), AND full time runner.  Boston bound in April, which to those who know running, will understand that to earn a spot in this coveted marathon is feat in its own right.  A tricky schedule to juggle no doubt, but she does it none the less.  While she's the first to admit it isn't always perfect, she manages to get it all in. Authentic  Inspirational.  And just plain awesome.  She is going to rock those Newton hills in Boston like no ones business.

If you're wondering how I met such a rockstar runner, I should tell you its a funny story.  I actually e-stalked her.  Found her name in some race results, a quick google search and several Sunday runs later, we have had the best conversations and I look forward to each and every run- track or outside in the freezing cold- because I just love hearing what she's up to.  Training for an endurance event is an amazing experience.  Having someone to share it with?  It's just the sprinkles on the (vanilla) icing on top of the (chocolate) cupcake.

And on that note, I must stretch.  And shower.  But maybe not in that order. #runnersunite.  Happy.